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If I could recommend one gift to all high school and college graduates this year, The Crossroads of Should and Must would be it. Insightful, honest and punctuated with art, the book inspires you to closely examine your deepest-held beliefs about who you are and what you want to do with your life.
The book, based on an essay Elle Luna wrote for Medium, encourages you to uproot the things you’re doing in your life because you feel you should do them and get to the heart of what really matters to you — the things you feel you must do; that no matter how much you ignore them or try to push them aside, they creep back into your head, inextricably woven into the core of who you are and what drives you.
Of course, that discussion begs the question: How do you separate the ‘shoulds’ in your life from the ‘musts’? And on that note, how do you know if you’re chasing the wrong dream?
On the surface level, ‘shoulds’ are the things the world demands of you — be it the dream career your parents wanted, the lifestyle your friend insists would be best for you, or the creepy deli clerk who thinks you’re missing your calling as a hand model. (And you totally could be one, you know.)
But Luna urges readers to delve deeper, with four fill-in-the-blank prompts to uncover the ingrained thoughts you have about yourself and how you’re supposed to live:
- You should never _________________________________.
- You should always ________________________________.
- You should know better than to ________________________.
- You should not ________________________.
It can be surprising how easy it is to fill in those blanks. Suddenly, all of the times someone has plastered you with life advice comes shooting at you. Jot them down, one by one, and ask yourself the same three questions as you review each one:
- Where did you come from?
- Are you true for me?
- Do I want to keep holding on to you?
Luna recommends letting go of the ‘shoulds’ that other people have pressed onto you, so you can make room for the ‘musts’ in your life. To unravel her ideas for getting to those musts and prioritizing them, pick up a copy of her book.
This article originally ran in April 2015 as part of Life Between Weekends’ Tuesday Takeaway series. Every Tuesday, we shared the most compelling insight we’ve gleaned from a book, movie, tour, documentary or article to inspire you during the workday.
Today, that concept lives on in the Fulfillment section of the site, under Career Advice.
