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We all have that feedback loop: It comes in quiet moments, when we’re alone, when we suddenly start replaying some painful scenario, as if breaking it down one more time will help us understand it better—or finally move past it. Maybe you’re rehearsing it, as if talking to a friend about the experience. Maybe you’re full-on reliving it. Either way, the longer you ruminate on it, the less likely you’ll be to actually move forward. In fact, it may just darken your mood and start to make that pain part of your identity: the screw-up, the ne’er-do-well, the victim, the black sheep, whatever you ultimately label it.

That’s why it’s critical to interrupt the rumination cycle, Psychology Today reports, and in the magazine’s November/December 2021 issue, psychologist Alice Boyes, Ph.D., offers a two-step process for breaking free. Here’s what to do:

  1. Find a distraction that requires your full focus, even for just a few minutes. It doesn’t have to be fun—it could be scrubbing the toilet, unloading the dishwasher or something genuinely enjoyable, like doing a crossword or Sudoku puzzle. This is the bridge that helps break you free of the playback loop, so you can then move to something more enjoyable, which will ultimately boost your mood. (Boyes argues that people rarely snap from playback loop to happy, so having a short activity in-between is crucial.)
  2. Pivot to a productive activity or moment of self-care. Look for something that’s short (say, it takes 10 to 15 minutes) but will give you a little boost of accomplishment; something “you’ve struggled to get around to or have procrastinated doing,” Boyes writes, suggesting things like playing frisbee, following an origami tutorial on YouTube or doing 10 minutes of stretching that’s just challenging enough to require your concentration.

The tactic may seem annoying at first—what should I do for these two activities, and how will solving a crossword or folding a paper crane make me ultimately feel better?!—but it’s worth a shot.

Lead photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

Author: candacebd

Candace Braun Davison is a writer, editor and recipe developer who divides her time between New York and Florida. She's written articles that have appeared in PureWow, Delish, House Beautiful, Cosmo, Elle, Esquire, Elle Decor, Veranda, Good Housekeeping and more. She's also published and contributed to multiple cookbooks, including a tailgate cookbook specifically designed for USF students. A portion of the proceeds benefitted student scholarships at the university.