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The concept of “knowing your worth” has always been something that washed over me. Yeah, yeah, sounds good, I’d nod, agreeing but never giving it much thought. Until I read Jenna Kutcher’s new book, How Are You, Really. All 19 chapters are an invitation to push past the perfunctory “how are you?” questions of life and wade a bit deeper, truly engaging in the present moment and getting to know ourselves. But long after I’ve finished the book, one chapter has stuck with me in particular–and it’s reframed the way I think about knowing your value. (And given me a whole new role model?)
What Knowing Your Value Really Means
In the book, The Goal Digger podcast founder talks about her mom’s scrappiness. When Kutcher was a kid, she outgrew her local gymnastics club’s expertise, and they recommended her for a more serious training facility. It came with a much steeper price tag, but that didn’t deter Kutcher’s mom. Nope. She brainstormed, and after visiting the place, noticed the gym itself was a little worse for wear.
So, she came up with a proposal, offering to tackle a few repairs the building so desperately needed, in exchange for free lessons for her daughter. Her parents weren’t contractors or handymen by trade; they were just willing to learn the skills to make it work, looking at what they had available to them and seeing what need they could fill. The pitch worked, and once a year, her family spent a week updating the gym, so Kutcher could pursue her passion.
Years later, when COVID restrictions kept Kutcher’s mom from being able to go to the hospital when her daughter was in labor, she got scrappy again, and trained to become a doula ahead of the baby’s arrival.
“That’s what declaring your worth and taking up your space and showing up for life with open hands can do. Because open hands open doors. Barriers, like neglected corners of the gym, exist everywhere. We’re generally aware of them, but we’re also quick to disqualify ourselves from being part of the solution,” Kutcher writes. “But once you allow yourself to look at a potential problem as a potent possibility, and once you release the doubts and what-ifs and the I-can’ts, you’re changing the narrative entirely. You’re not looking at your current circumstance as what it is; you’re looking at your current circumstance as what could be.”
If You’re Tempted to Quit Before You’ve Started, Start Looking for Opportunities
That sense of resolve–of showing up and looking for an opportunity to help, no matter what you have–reminds me of chef Jose Andres’s work with World Central Kitchen. He left school at 15 to become a chef; he wasn’t well-versed in international politics or bureaucracy or natural disaster/crisis management, but when disaster struck, he showed up. And he kept showing up, starting with the simple mission of feeding people. His work grew from there, serving more than 100 million meals to those in need.
“Don’t follow a recipe,” he says in the documentary about WCK, We Feed People. “When we go by the book, we lose our ability to be creative.”
There it is. That scrappiness and mental grit, once again. Knowing your value–what you bring to the table in any situation–is critical to being able to help, which (yes, as cheesy as it sounds) is how we’ll genuinely feel successful, rather than chasing after the next accolade, promotion or Instagram-worthy moment. Knowing your value helps you connect better with others, feel true belonging and live a bit more authentically.
So, what problem are you tempted to run away from–and what’s an unexpected way you can approach it? Even if it doesn’t work out, you tried. You’ll probably learn something from it. And you’ll be better off for it.
You can pick up a copy of How Are You, Really at most major bookstores, as well as on Amazon.
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