As someone who loves creating to-do lists and planning goals, today’s Takeaway Tuesday really hit home. All too often I fall into that trap of, ‘If I do X, Y and Z, then this will happen!” and I’m bummed when things don’t work out according to plan. -Candace

Tuesday Takeaway: Packing Light by Allison Vesterfelt

Whether you’re aware of it or not, you probably live by a set of rules. Maybe they’re based on the law, getting along with your friends and family (“On Wednesdays, we wear pink”) or working toward your goals. They’re shortcuts to living more harmoniously; they give us a framework for how we want to live and how we want to be seen by the world. At their most basic level, they simplify decision-making.

So, as stodgy as the word sounds, they’re not exactly a bad thing. Subconsciously, we collect them every day, layering them like bricks as we create a foundation for who we are.

Sometimes, though, you need to take a wrecking ball to them all [cue Miley Cyrus song here]. Here’s where they start to barricade us in:

“Rules give us a false sense of control. They make us feel like if we just follow a set list of instructions, we’re sure to get the outcome we want.” –Allison Vesterfelt, Packing Light

So just as much as we’re creating rules to add structure to our lives, we’re also doing so with the hope that they’ll save us. To some degree, the rules are our Knight in Shining Armor: If we do this, this and this, then the wonderful, amazing result we’d hoped for will happen. That muffin top will disappear. That promotion will be handed to us. That family vacation will be argument-free.

That’s why we have to continually re-evaluate our goals, Vesterfelt writes in her book, Packing Light. Essentially, she breaks it down into two questions:

• What’s the intent behind the rules we’re following?
• Are they accomplishing that objective?

We’re human — what works for one person doesn’t work for everyone, and we know that. But sometimes, it’s hard to resist the thrilling temptation that we can live our lives by a formula. Real life isn’t math class. Dang it. (And hooray!)

So the next time you’re ready to pound your head against the keyboard in frustration because things aren’t going right, ask yourself what makes you think they should be going this way. What unspoken rules have you created for this situation? For yourself? It may be time to knock them all down.

 

This week’s Tuesday Takeaway was inspired by Packing Light by Allison Vesterfelt. Each week, we’ll share one insight gleaned from a book, documentary, article or other source, designed to make your week run a little bit smoother.