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I vent. A lot. Probably more often than I should, but for me, there’s something so relieving about getting something off my chest, then being able to take a break from it and revisit it from a problem-solving angle a little later. Because, when I’m annoyed, I don’t want to immediately jump into Fix-It mode. I want to be angry…but not necessarily blow up at the other person.
That’s why a Q&A in February’s Marie Claire stood out to me immediately. In the magazine’s “Dear Samantha” column, a reader asked whether venting is good for your mental health. The short answer: No, not really, especially if you’re rehashing the same issue over and over. When you do that, without making any forward progress on the problem, you’re really “co-ruminating,” psychiatrist Samantha Boardman explains, citing research that shows doing so only increases your stress levels. Womp womp.
“The problem with venting is that it amplifies negativity,” she writes. “The more you think or talk about an issue, the more salient it becomes. It’s adding fuel to the fire.”
Here’s What You Can Do About It:
Boardman suggests setting a 15-minute time limit to discuss the problem, then move on from there. Once you’ve said your peace and feel heard, pivot to problem-solving mode instead of piling on the hate. And if a friend continually sucks you into this cycle, Boardman recommends asking one simple question to help distance him/her from the emotional pull of the issue: “If someone else were in this situation, what advice would you give her?”
Soo I guess that means my mapping out of how I’ll explain the situation in the shower before I even make the call to vent is going a little too far, isn’t it? (Stepping back, I feel like Brene Brown would tell me that I’m drafting a story to tell myself about the situation, making me into the hero or victim or martyr or whatever else absolves me of the shame attached to the issue. And she’d probably be right.)
You can find more of Boardman’s advice in the February issue of Marie Claire, on newsstands now.
Lead Photo: Omar Prestwich on Unsplash
